Am I Alive?
by theenvylover
Summary: A oneshot following Kyra, Sopocles's little sister, as she tries to find herself. I had created the character for Just Another Bella and Daughter Story but you don't have to read that to understand what's going on in this. again: it's a oneshot. No longr


**Kyra**

I started walking again.

I had stopped momentarily to watch the grass grow but somehow time seemed to have slipped out of my reach again. I didn't even realize that I had been sitting for so long until the hatchlings, in the nest that had somehow appeared on my head, flew away to start their own lives. I had carefully placed the nest in the tree for future use and grabbed my shoes.

My shoes were the cleanest part of me. I only wore them as a sign of respect when I was invited into a house or other enclosures. I didn't go to those very often so my shoes remained about as clean as when I had first bought them. I set off through the forest in front of me, feeling the mud squish in between my toes. It was my favorite way of connecting with nature.

I wandered forward, not knowing where I was going or where I was coming from. I figure that life can really only be lived when you're spontaneous. I thought about that a lot: life. Is what I'm doing really 'living'? What does 'living' actually mean? One time I looked up 'living' in a dictionary only to have to look up 'life'. I remember it clearly; "that property of plants and animals (ending at death) which makes it possible for them to take in food, get energy from it, grow, etc." I wondered what the 'etc.' really stood for.

It was true—I take in food (or at least a form of it) and I receive energy from it, but I do not grow. I am stuck as a teenager for the rest of eternity. Does that mean that I am not 'living'? I am not 'alive' because I do not 'grow'? What about the opposite; is everything that feeds, gains energy, and grows 'alive'? Is fire 'alive'? It feeds on wood, absorbs the energy, and grows so, by definition, it should be labeled as 'alive'. I've heard 'alive' used to describe a fire, but I never took it literally.

Is it wrong to kill a fire? If it is 'alive' then it must eventually 'die'; even the sun's fire will burn out in a couple of billions of years. So, is it really wrong? Technically, if it is alive then dousing a fire could be labeled as 'murder'.

Why is it not?

Why do animals and humans have so much power over fire? Why are animals and humans so superior to fire? Why are there laws for harming animals and people but not for fire or plants which are also alive? In the animal kingdom 'laws' are considered useless. Animals resort themselves to natural selection which, in turn, makes them the stronger of the two. If humans could learn to devolve themselves into the animals that their ancestors once were then they wouldn't have to worry about the rest of the world. You don't see grizzly bears going out of their way to wage a war on pandas. You don't see deer catching a bus to cut down on Global Warming. White elephants and African elephants aren't racist. Why do humans willingly put themselves in such situations that will only cause themselves to suffer?

Maybe it's just a human thing.

I don't remember being a human though I know that I must have been one before. I used to wonder what I was like as one but I figured that I would be more or less the same. I researched my past once and found my family. Apparently I wasn't as interesting as my older brother, Sophocles, because I wasn't mentioned in, well, anything. Carlisle, an old friend of mine, had researched for days to find out who I was and where I was from. He finally found me, my tombstone in the southern part of Greece.

I visited it once; just to see how it looked.

_Here lies Kyra  
May the angels guide her to Heaven _

I wondered if there was a body in there. Would they put a grave without a body? I wondered that if there was a body, if it even looked like me. I wondered if the body's family knew where it was or if they were still looking for her. I doubted that they would still be looking for her; it's been a long time. I had once planted a tree on my grave in honor of the one who died to fill it.

I wandered through the forest I was in, trying to figure out where I was. I happened upon a clearing where a deer lay bleeding. I pounced on it, quickly snapped its neck, and drained his blood. When I had finished I stepped back and stared at the corpse.

What gave me the right to kill this animal? To take its life? How many lives have to end for mine to continue? Is it really worth it?

I started digging a hole for the body. When I was satisfied with the size I carefully placed the body in the hole and covered it back up. He would soon be broken down into nutrients for plants. Those plants in return will provide nutrients for other deer and various other creatures. I sat next to the mound and thought about the circle of life.

Would I be a part of the circle? Was I outside the circle? If I died would the world absorb my body to use for nutrients? How will I die? I had seen other vampires torn in half but still come back together. I wondered if it was possible for me to die without being burnt. Do I even want to die? Would I notice if I did?

I started snowing and I looked up. Several flakes landed on my face and stayed there. They didn't melt against my cold skin; they just piled on top of each other. A few landed on my eyes and I didn't bother to blink them off. I just sat there and stared up at the sky.

If I stayed here, under this snow, would anybody care? Would anybody come for me? Does anybody even know where I am? I didn't even know where I was, how could anybody else?

"Kyra?" a voice called. Kyra? That sounds familiar. I tried to find where it was coming from but could only see white.

"Kyra," the voice said again. It sounded relieved, like it had found what it was looking for. I wondered what it was it found. I was lifted off of the ground and something wiped my face off. I could suddenly see everything; the blanket of white that covered the forest floor and the kind face in front of me. He had short black hair and a squared-off jawline. He stared at me with his bright yellow eyes and I suddenly remembered everything.

"Why hello, Charles," I greeted him kindly. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"Other than the fact that I've been searching for you for seven months? Not much," he said as he brushed some snow out of my brown mess of hair.

"Seven months?" I asked. "I told you that I'd be gone for awhile, you didn't have to come searching for me…"

"I waited a year just like I always do," he smiled.

"A year? Has it really been that long?"

"A year and seven months," he corrected.

"Boy, time sure does fly around here," I stated as I looked around. The trees that were brown when I had last seen them were now a bright white. I wondered where the time had gone.

"What were you doing down there?" he asked. I looked at the spot he was talking about; the only spot without a foot of snow. I realized that I was still in his arms. They looked massive compared to my small frame. I looked up at his face and slowly processed the question.

"I was thinking," I answered. I looked at the mound that the deer corpse was buried in.

"And what were you thinking about?" he urged. He started carrying me through the forest the same way I had come.

"Life," I answered. "Everything…"

"Did you find what you were searching for?" He knew me well enough to know that when I sat and thought it was for a reason. I shook my head.

"Am I 'alive'?" I asked him, remembering my original thoughts.

"Why would you not be?"

"'That property of plants and animals (ending at death) which makes it possible for them to take in food, get energy from it, grow, etc.'," I recited. "I do not grow, so am I not 'living'?"

"Will my answer teach you something?" he asked back. I thought about it and nodded. "Then you _are_ growing; you're growing mentally."

"So I am 'alive'?" I asked him.

"Very much so," he smiled. "Was that what you were searching for?"

"I don't know what I was searching for."

"So you were searching for what you were supposed to be finding," he concluded. He was the only one I knew who could actually understand what I was saying. "What did you find in the process?"

I looked back at the mound that was slowly starting to disappear. When it had I spotted the nest in the tree where I had put it. I had affected two completely different lives in two completely different ways. I had assisted in starting the little birds' life but then, moments later, assisted in ending a deer's.

"I think I found my place in life."

* * *

**whew.**  
that was interesting.  
:D

If you haven't read Just Another Bella and Daughter Story;  
go read Not Another Bella and Daughter Story,  
and then read Just Another Bella and Daughter Story.

(i should use smaller story names...)

please review,  
this was hard to write...

-the**envy**lover


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